Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
