Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
