i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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