Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
