i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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