i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
