I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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