It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
