Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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