I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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