Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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