I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
