I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
