Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
