What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
