just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
