on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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