TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
