Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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