when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
