My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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