I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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