This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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