i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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