If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
