Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
