Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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