you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
