I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
