I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
