I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
