So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize