she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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