She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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