The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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