hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
