he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
