I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
