We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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