Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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