Having a random hookup so left but love u
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
