i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize