Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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