the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
