1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
