# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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