I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
