Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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