Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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