my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game