hell yes lets make some ravioli
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
