She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
