it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
