I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
