I got chris browned last night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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