My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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