I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
