eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
