When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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