Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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