youre lurking in front of me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
