while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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