I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
