I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
