East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
