you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
