If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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