he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
