3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
