i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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