so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
