Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
