R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
