I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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