just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
